The importance of the window of tolerance in nervous system regulation
My reactions used to feel like an out-of-control roller coaster.
But once I understood the window of tolerance and how it applied to my experience, I was so much better able to manage my emotions and reactions, and I was able to come back into a functioning, regulated state much more easily and much faster.
So I’m going to share with you a really simple model to understand what the window of tolerance is.
Plus, I’m also going to share the kinds of things that can take you outside of that window of tolerance, the two effects that can have, how to recognise when you are outside your window of tolerance and how you can get back into it, so you can understand what’s happening to you, manage yourself better, and spend more time feeling good and functioning well in life.
I’m Nicola, and I’ve spent the last few decades learning how to manage my emotions and release the past so I can break the cycle of pain and trauma.
What is the window of tolerance?
So what is the window of tolerance?
To explain this, I want to take you back to your childhood, to a story called “Goldilocks and the Three Bears”.
If you haven’t heard of this story, it’s basically the story of a girl who goes for a walk in the woods and comes across the bears’ cottage, and the bears are not home.
So she lets herself in and she finds three bowls of porridge.
The first bowl she finds is Papa Bear’s, but it’s too hot.
The second bowl she finds is Mama Bear’s porridge, but it’s too cold.
But the third porridge is Baby Bear’s porridge, and the temperature is just right.
So she gobbles it all up.
So I want you to think of the window of tolerance in terms of the temperature of the porridge.
And the temperature represents how active your nervous system is, also called your level of arousal or how sensitive you are to what’s going on around you.
So when the porridge is too hot, your nervous system is too active.
You are in what we call hyperarousal, and that tends to lead to fight or flight.
And when your porridge is too cold or your nervous system is too inactive, this leads to what we call hypoarousal and things like freeze and shutdown.
But when your nervous system is at just the right level, so it’s active enough, but not too active, this leads to your optimal state of functioning, where you can handle stresses, you can manage what’s going on to you, you are flexible, you’re open, you’re grounded, you’re in the present moment, you are able to function effectively.
And that’s what we’re looking for.
That window of tolerance is that place where you are at your optimal level of arousal.
Your nervous system is at the right place for you to be able to function well and engage with life.
What happens when you’re outside of your window of tolerance?
So let’s dive into these two things that can happen when you go outside of your window of tolerance.
What hyperarousal feels like
The first one is hyperarousal.
This is when you are over stimulated, your nervous system is overactive.
You are on high alert, and you tend to want to lash out at the world.
You are over responsive.
And when you’re in hyperarousal, you tend to experience things like anxiety, impulsive behaviour, hypervigilance, tension, shaking, rigidity.
You might over eat or have obsessive behaviours.
You might experience addiction or fear or anger or aggression or emotional outbursts, racing thoughts, intrusive thoughts, or just intense reactions.
Your reactions to everything that’s going on to you are intense and over the top, and that is hyperarousal.
What hypoarousal feels like
On the other hand, when your porridge is too cold, you’re experiencing hypoarousal.
You are going into a shutdown or collapse-like state or a freeze.
You are not able to handle the world, and so you are trying to shut it out and you are not responsive.
You are under-responsive to what’s going on to you.
And you might experience things like feeling numb or disconnected or having no emotions, functioning on autopilot, not moving very much, feeling lethargic or tired or fatigued, having low energy.
You can’t think.
You have brain fog.
You forget things.
Your reactions are slow or you have fewer of them.
You might feel depression or shame.
You have no boundaries, and you can’t defend yourself.
You’re in a low functioning, low responsive, low energy state when your porridge is too cold and you’re in hypoarousal.
What pushes us outside of our window of tolerance?
So what takes us outside of our window of tolerance?
When we go outside that window, it’s a defensive response.
There’s something happening to us that we feel the need to protect ourselves from.
And so we have that reaction and we become dysregulated.
And the thing is, it could be any stress, whether that’s a traumatic memory, some trigger, something we perceive as a threat.
There is some stress happening to us that we are not able to handle for whatever reason.
And that’s what triggers us to go outside of that window of tolerance and become dysregulated, either into hypo arousal or hyper arousal.
Why the size of our window of tolerance matters
And if you’ve experienced things like trauma or PTSD or you’re undergoing chronic stress, all of these kinds of things can narrow that window of tolerance, which means it’s easier to go outside of it.
So the size of our window of tolerance reflects how much stress we’re able to handle.
So if we have a small window of tolerance, that means it’s much easier, it doesn’t take much to push us outside and for us to become dysregulated.
But if we have a larger window of tolerance, it takes a lot more to push us outside of that.
We can handle more stress, we can cope better, we can function more effectively with what’s happening, and it takes a lot more for us to become dysregulated.
And it’s normal for our window of tolerance to fluctuate on a day-to-day basis, depending on what’s going on for us.
I know I have days where my window of tolerance is extremely small.
It takes almost nothing to push me outside of it, and just things stop working.
I get brain fog, I get tired, things don’t work properly, or I get anxious and panicky.
And so those are the days when my window of tolerance is much smaller.
But when I’m feeling happy and connected and resilient, my window of tolerance is much larger, and it takes a lot more to push me outside of that and for things to go haywire.
How do we get back inside our window of tolerance?
So when we find ourselves dysregulated and outside of that window of tolerance, what can we do to get ourselves back into that window of tolerance?
It boils down to re-regulating our nervous system.
And what we do depends on the reaction we’re having.
So if we’re feeling hyper aroused, our porridge is too hot, we need to do things that calm us down.
And this could be things like breathwork, like healthy ways to release our anger.
It could be naming the thoughts that are running through our heads, noticing bodily sensations, things like yoga and meditation to calm us down.
And I’ve got guides on both breathwork and meditation that you might find helpful.
If, on the other hand, we’re experiencing hypoarousal, so our porridge is too cold, we need to do things that gently activate us and get us moving.
So this can be, again, body awareness, using our senses to explore the world around us, breathwork activities, engaging with our surroundings, orienting ourselves with what surround us, exploring our environment, gentle movements, and things that ground us in the here and now, in the present moment.
And I’ve got a guide with lots of grounding activities that you might find helpful with that.
But in both cases, what we’re doing is we are soothing our nervous system.
We are providing a sense of comfort and safety, like wrapping ourselves in a big cosy blanket so we can feel safe, so our nervous system can settle down.
We can come back into our body, into the present moment, into what’s going on for us right here, right now.
Become tuned in to ourselves so that our nervous system can move through these activities and become regulated, and we can function effectively again.
How to manage our window of tolerance
So how do we manage our window of tolerance ongoing?
There are three main pieces that you’re going to need to include in order to manage your ability to stay in that window of tolerance.
1. Awareness
And the first piece of this is awareness.
You need awareness of what’s going on for you.
You need to know what your limits are, what’s likely to trigger you.
You need to be able to recognise your symptoms as you start to go out outside of that window of tolerance.
And you need to make sure you’re giving yourself all the things you need to keep functioning effectively and stay in that window as much as you can for as long as possible.
And a great approach of this is the HALT method.
H-A-L-T stands for hungry, angry hungry, lonely, tired.
So you need to make sure you don’t get too hungry.
You’re not feeling angry.
You’re not feeling lonely, you’re not too tired.
All of these things can make it harder for you to cope with whatever stress is coming your way.
2. Re-regulation
The second piece is re-regulation – learning how to re-regulate your nervous system when it does go out of whack.
So practising these techniques that we’ve been talking about outside of the times when you are dysregulated so that they’re in your toolkit when you do become dysregulated.
When you go outside of your window, you’ve got things that you’ve done that you can actually use and call on to bring your system back into whack.
And I’ve got a quick guide on ways to self-regulate, plus the grounding guide I mentioned that you could find really helpful as you work on practising the skills of re-regulating your nervous system.
3. Widen the window
The third piece is to widen your window of tolerance, to do things that actually increase your ability to handle stresses.
So that might involve releasing issues, healing old wounds, doing therapy, working with someone, reducing stresses in your life generally, doing things like breathwork, things that actually soothe your vagus nerve and strengthen its response, things like humming, singing, gargling, splashing cold water on your face.
Being connected with people.
Doing things like mindfulness activities, including meditation and all kinds of movement.
All of these activities can widen your window of tolerance and increase your ability to handle the stresses that life is going to throw at you.
Use the window of tolerance to function effectively
So now you have a really simple model to understand the window of tolerance.
Just think, “porridge that’s just right”.
You want your system, your nervous system, to be active, but not too active, and then you’ll be able to function effectively.
And in order to stay in this window of tolerance for as long as possible, you are going to need to learn ways to regulate your system.
So download my guide with quick ways to regulate yourself below.
And may you stay regulated more often from now on.
