Three ways to stop having anxious thoughts
I used to struggle with a ton of worry and anxious thoughts constantly until I learned what I’m going to share with you today.
I still have those kinds of thoughts from time to time, but they just don’t control me the way that they used to.
I want you to know it is possible to break free.
I’m Nicola, and for the last 25 years, I’ve been finding ways to release my issues and break my patterns of pain so I don’t repeat the cycle, and I’d love to help you do the same.
Having anxiety or worries is normal
I just want to let you know that it is totally normal to have worries or anxious thoughts.
Everyone has them, but they don’t have to take over your experience.
If you feel game, comment below with the things that worry you the most so that we can learn from your experience and understand that we’re not in this alone.
For me, what I’ve had to struggle with in terms of worry and anxious thoughts over the years is thoughts around my loved ones becoming hurt, having an accident, going out of the house, getting seriously injured, or not even coming back.
And so over the years, I’ve had to learn to to turn down the intensity of those thoughts using some of the things I’m going to share with you today.
What worries really are
So worry and anxiety basically come from us repeating negative thoughts about the future.
We are focused on what might go wrong in a situation that hasn’t actually happened yet.
And these thoughts can seem very real, very compelling, all-consuming.
Trust me, I know.
And we have to give credit to our brains because they are actually trying to protect us by running us through scenarios of things that could happen so that we can prepare for that.
Most worrying is really not that helpful
But some of this stuff really isn’t that helpful.
There’s nothing we can do.
It’s out of our control.
So this worrying, this anxiety is ultimately unproductive.
It’s not problem solving.
It’s rehashing possibilities that haven’t yet happened.
1. Ground yourself
So the most powerful technique that I’ve come across to actually take the intensity down of these worries, of these anxieties, is to bring myself into the present moment as fully and completely as possible.
This is also called grounding yourself.
And I’ve got a guide with over 97 different grounding techniques that you can use to help bring yourself into the present moment.
But when you ground yourself, when you bring yourself into the present moment, you are solely focused on what is happening for you right here, right now.
And it keeps your mind busy.
It blocks out those worries.
There’s no space for those anxious thoughts to come in.
It blocks out the negative emotions, the guilt.
You can do things like breathwork, focusing on your breath.
What’s really important is that you bring your mind completely to bear on the exercise, putting every ounce of your attention on how your breath feels moving in and out of your body.
You can do a body scan, feeling into different parts of your body, the clothes on your body, the chair you’re sitting on, aches and pains, tension, any sensations going on in your body.
Full focus on that leaves no room for anxiety or worry.
You can also do the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique, which is five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
This is bringing your senses in.
So full attention on what’s going on for you through your senses can also really bring you into the present moment and stop that worry, those anxious thoughts from taking over.
2. Self-awareness
There are two other skills that are really valuable in helping you bring yourself into the present moment.
And the first one is awareness, developing awareness, because you need to be able to catch those thoughts as they happen.
You need to be able to realise you’re going into this worry, this anxiety.
And as you do that, you can observe what’s going on for you, what triggered it, what thoughts you’re having.
Just be more aware of the thoughts that are going through your head and be able to stand back from it a little bit.
And then you can do a reality check and say, well, is this actually a legitimate concern?
Or is it a little bit exaggerated from what’s likely to happen?
And ask yourself some of those kinds of questions.
And journaling can be a really great way to develop awareness so that you can actually go through what’s going through your head, all the things that are contributing to that.
Seeing them out on paper can be really helpful for you to just develop that awareness of the worries and thoughts that are taking control of your experience.
3. Choose your thoughts
The other skill that’s really valuable to develop is the ability to choose your thoughts.
And there are a few different tricks you can use to do this around worry and anxiety.
A. Set a time limit
The first one is to set yourself a time limit or schedule your worrying.
So you might say, I’m going to worry for 10 minutes and then I’m going to stop.
So that’s my allocated worry time.
And then as you go through your day, maybe those thoughts come back up and you can say, oh, no, actually, I’m going to worry about I’m going to think about that later.
I’m going to think about that later.
I’ll schedule in 10 minutes at the end of the day or tomorrow morning, and then I’ll do my worrying about that then.
And so you’re allowing yourself to worry.
It’s okay for you to worry, but you’re constraining it and you’re giving yourself a break the rest of the day from those thoughts.
B. Tell yourself “Stop” or “Cancel”
Another strategy you can use is the stop, shut up or cancel strategy.
And this is when you have these thoughts, you say to yourself, “Shut up, shut up, shut up”, or “Cancel, cancel, cancel.” And you are basically drowning out those worries and anxieties.
You’re using a word that means stop, no, don’t do that.
But you’re also just saying it over and over and over and over.
And when you’re doing that, you’re giving your brain something to focus on.
So it can’t be focused on the worries or the anxieties.
And that can be quite effective, too.
C. Focus on problem solving
A third strategy use is to focus on problem solving.
Think about what about this situation you can control and what constructive actions can you take to reduce the concerns that you have, whether it’s talking to someone, whether it’s changing the way that you do things, Just thinking constructively,
“Okay, there is this situation that is causing concern for me. What can I do about it?”
And focusing on that and putting the brain to work to actually find helpful solutions to the situation.
D. Give yourself a pep talk
The fourth strategy you can use is to give yourself a pep talk to reframe the way you’re seeing the situation, to make it a more positive experience, to shift your perspective to different places, to see things in different ways.
And by doing that, by talking yourself into a better place, you will start to feel better and those anxieties may get turned down.
How to become more present
1. Meditation
And one of the most powerful practises that I found to develop the skill of being present, of having that awareness, of taking more control of my thoughts is meditation.
And I’ve got a guide with explanations of the 10 most common meditation techniques that you might want to download.
But meditation helps you to develop that mindfulness, and that mindfulness gives you that presence, that ability to be here in the present moment, to be aware of what’s going on for you to understand, observe your thoughts without having to react to them, and to have more control over what you do think, because the more you meditate, the less your mind gets to say what you think and when.
2. Get support
But also it’s important that you get support, whether that’s mental, physical, emotional, or professional support, whatever you need to have those things in place.
If you don’t have them in your life, and that’s part of what’s creating the anxiety and worries for you.
3. Develop healthy habits
And it’s also really important that you have healthy habits that support you, because if you’re not getting enough sleep, you’re not eating well, you’re not getting enough exercise, you don’t have those strong social connections.
And it’s much easier for worry and anxiety to just run rampant in our brains.
Turn down those anxious thoughts
And as you replace worry and anxiety with this focus on the present, you will turn down the volume of those anxious thoughts of those worries, it will happen less often, and it will have less of an impact on you.
And I’ve got a whole video that takes you through the process of becoming present, of grounding yourself in the present moment that you might want to watch next.
May your day contain more joy and less worry.
