Does a gratitude practice feel like an obligation?
If you’ve spent any amount of time in the personal development / spiritual space, I’m sure you’ve come across the idea of a gratitude practice.
And, possibly, like me, your initial reaction was something like “ugggghhhhhhh”.
And I get it.
The idea of being grateful when things are not going so well is hard.
It feels like a burden, yet one more obligation to fulfil.
Ick.
A much easier alternative to gratitude
So I want to introduce a different concept to you, one that I’ve covered before, in my article about celebrating everything.
One that gives you a viable alternative to gratitude, is easier to do and might just get you the results you’re after.
You guessed it.
Celebration.
And, more importantly, I want to dive deeper into the difference between gratitude and celebration, so you can understand when and how to use both.
Yes, they’re similar, but in my opinion, they’re NOT the same thing.
And that distinction is worth making.
Why does gratitude feel so heavy?
But first, let’s talk about gratitude.
The heavy one.
The “thing you know you’re supposed to do but really don’t want to”.
Why does gratitude feel so onerous, so repulsive?
I think it might have something to do with what we were expected to do as kids.
“Say, thank you.”
“Write a thank you note to Grandma.”
“Why can’t you be more grateful?”
We get these expressions of gratitude foisted on us, and so we learn that gratitude is an obligation, a hassle, something we do because we have to.
I know I sure didn’t like writing letters to my grandparents, whom I barely knew.
And I sure as heck resented being forced to say thank you for things I didn’t even want.
So it lost its sincerity and meaning.
The true purpose of gratitude
But after years of a gratitude practice, I think I understand its true purpose a little better.
And it’s simply this…
…gratitude is expressing appreciation for something.
It’s recognising that good things are happening to you and do exist in your world.
And taking the time to acknowledge them.
Sure, maybe not everything is hugs and puppies, but there are always things we can find that are making our lives better, even in a small way.
- The clothes we’re wearing
- The food we just ate
- The roof over our heads
And it’s not about being grateful because someone tells us to.
We recognise the value they bring, and we’re glad to have them in our experience.
We see the good things and show our appreciation, even if it’s just pausing for a moment to say “thanks”.
But I get that it can be hard, and I still struggle some days to find things to add to my gratitude list.
If gratitude is hard, try celebration instead
And that’s where celebration comes in.
I see celebration as turning up the volume on the good feelings that are already happening over the course of our day.
To do this, we need to notice those moments worth celebrating as they happen.
But the idea is that when something happens that’s worth celebrating, we stop and amp up those feelings as much as possible.
Not by imagining more of them in the future, or reflecting on the past.
But by stopping, becoming present and truly noticing the great thing that just happened.
Notice the good feeling that arises, and add some juice to it.
Maybe you just found an extra $20. Celebrate it.
Maybe lunch tasted exceptionally good. Celebrate it.
Maybe you got a task completed faster than you expected. Celebrate it.
Maybe you just tidied up your desk and it looks awesome. Celebrate it.
They don’t have to be big things.
They don’t have to be impressive to anyone but you.
No-one else even needs to know.
(But if you can share the celebration, that makes it even better!)
Celebration as an alternative to gratitude
What I love about celebration, is that it creates a lot of the same feelings as gratitude, but it’s more about what happens in the moment.
It’s about maxing out the good feelings as they happen.
You don’t have to think about it, you just bask in the good juju for a few extra moments.
And this is so much easier than a gratitude practice.
No writing things down.
No remembering things to appreciate.
No sense of obligation.
Just more good feelings, and more feeling good.
Here’s how to use celebration as a gratitude replacement
1. Notice moments of celebration
We celebrate our wins naturally.
We get excited about our achievements naturally.
So catch them as they happen.
Notice them as they arise.
Think, “Oooh, this is worth celebrating!”
2. Spend more time celebrating
Then let yourself enjoy the moment.
Don’t do something awesome and then immediately move on to the next item on your “to do” list.
Consciously stop, and take ten, maybe twenty seconds to really FEEL the emotions.
The satisfaction. The pride. The excitement.
You did that.
3. Repeat and expand
Keep doing this as often as you can.
Involve others to amplify the good feelings even further.
Celebrate the smallest things, just because.
Start using this trick all day, every day.
And watch your experience transform.
Why gratitude and celebration are important
But why does this matter?
Why do we even need to celebrate or express gratitude?
Have you heard the expression, “the more you celebrate things, the more things you get to celebrate” or “the more grateful you are, the more things you get to be grateful for”?
The idea is, that by focusing on these positive experiences, we’ll increase their frequency in our lives.
Maybe it’s through the law of attraction.
Or maybe it’s simply that we SEE the good things that were always there.
We are so often too busy getting on with the “important” stuff, that we miss the great things happening right under our nose.
And the more we practice stopping and noticing these things, the better we get at noticing them.
Get more things to celebrate
But if “like attracts like” is what does it, then I’m all for that as well.
More good stuff please! All I know is that over the years, as I’ve continued to practice gratitude and celebrating, my life has consistently improved in quality.
To the point where sometimes I can’t believe that I get to spend my days the way I do.
And I can see even more good stuff right around the corner.
Sure, there are moments when I wonder when the wheels are going to come off, but then I settle down my inner catastrophiser (aka my inner critic), and get on with my day.
How to choose celebration vs gratitude
So how and when do you use gratitude and celebration?
A simple rule I like to follow is:
- Celebration is for when something good happens, and you’re already feeling excited/pleased/satisfied/accomplished -> pause and amp it up
- Gratitude is for when you notice something good, but the good feelings don’t necessarily arise naturally, but you still want to appreciate it OR when you sit down at the end of your day to reflect on how your day went -> express your appreciation in whatever way you can
And maybe that’s why gratitude can sometimes feel like work, because we have to make a conscious effort to do it.
That’s why I love the ease and simplicity of celebration.
And if you can do both, so much the better!
The idea after all, is to feel good as much of the time as possible, because that can change everything.
A quick recap
- Practising gratitude can sometimes feel heavy and like an obligation
- Celebration is a viable alternative (but it’s not the same thing)
- Gratitude means appreciating the good things that happen
- Celebration means turning up the volume on the good feelings
- Celebration can be easier to do, and sidesteps the burdensome feeling
- In both cases, we’re increasing the amount of good feelings we experience
- How to practice celebrating – Notice, amplify, repeat
- How to practice gratitude – Reflect, appreciate, repeat
What next?
- Do you have a gratitude practice? Have you tried to start one but struggled? What made/makes it hard for you?
- Recall past occasions when you had cause to celebrate. What did it feel like? Was it effortless? Did sharing it make it even bigger and better?
- Reflect on the distinction between gratitude and celebration? Can you feel the difference?
- Start noticing moments worth celebrating throughout your day – moments where you naturally feel a lift, even a subtle one. Try to gently amp up the feelings, but don’t force it.
- Practice amplifying celebrations every single day, and it will get easier and stronger, like a muscle.
Having watched my life gradually transform as I continued practising gratitude and amping up my moments of celebration, I’m a firm believer in this approach.
I truly have more reasons to feel good than I have ever had in my life, and I can see the potential for so much more.
If you’re ready to start a gratitude practice, but don’t know where to begin, watch my video and download my list of prompts.
To begin celebrating more, start paying attention to your days 🙂
I hope you find more things to celebrate in your days, and reap the benefits of this simple, yet powerful habit.
May your days be filled with reasons to feel good!
Love,
Nicola
