Being full of yourself: We’ve misunderstood this expression
Have you ever heard any of these expressions thrown about?
“She’s so full of herself.”
“Ugh, he’s always so full of himself.”
“Stop being so full of yourself!”
We hear these phrases, we internalise them, and we accept them as true.
We come to believe, without question, that being full of yourself is a BAD thing.
Something to be avoided at all costs.
And we also learn to tear down others who are full of themselves.
Why we’ve got this all wrong
But what if we have this all backwards?
What if being full of yourself is actually helpful?
What if being full of yourself is actually the path to happiness and success?
What if being full of yourself is the whole point?
Think about it.
What does “being full of yourself” actually mean?
We tend to interpret it as meaning “an over inflated ego” or arrogance or hubris.
(Like Mr Darcy in Pride and Prejudice. 😍)
But maybe we’ve misunderstood.
What “being full of yourself” really means
Maybe being full of yourself means:
- being aligned with our true selves
- expressing ourselves fully and freely
- knowing who we are and what we stand for
- being willing to take risks for what truly matters
- being connected to source energy or something bigger than ourselves
What if THAT’S the secret we’ve been missing all along?
Maybe our gifts, our talents, our success, our happiness are founded on us being full of ourselves.
And when we steadfastly avoid this state, maybe we’re depriving ourselves of the blessings that life has for us.
What it feels like to be full of yourself
So how did I get here? Why I am even thinking this way?
Well, it’s partly because I’ve heard a few spiritual teachers say something like this in the past, and the idea resonated and intrigued me.
But more importantly, because I’ve had glimpses of this for myself recently.
I’ve had moments where I felt aligned and joyful, and simultaneously “full of myself”.
Like I’m finally doing what my soul wants me to do.
Like I’m finally expressing what I came into this life to express.
And so this inspired me take a closer look at this idea.
And wonder if this might just be the answer we’ve been looking for.
Being ourselves fully can be scary
Now, I know, as a survivor of childhood turbulence, that stepping into the fullness of who we are is terrifying.
And maybe that’s why it’s taken me SO long to get here.
Like my mother before me, I’ve struggled for decades trying to figure out what lights me up.
I’m not sure that she ever really got there, but I truly hope so.
Because it’s scary to express yourself, when you learned to equate self-expression with danger.
When you learned that being yourself wasn’t safe, why on earth would you even go near being full of yourself?
And so we push away that very part of us that is unique.
We shove down our never-before-and-never-again priceless perspective on the world.
We turn away from anything that requires us to put ourselves out there, and risk that rejection, that ridicule, that suffering.
Nope, just nope. Not going there again.
Is this where the “tall poppy” syndrome comes from?
I also wonder whether we’re so quick to tear down others who are full of themselves, because it reminds us of what we’re missing.
That perhaps deep down, we resonate with the part of them that’s fully aligned, and envy them their freedom and individuality.
And so we have to stop them being full of themselves as quickly as possible, so that we don’t have to continue feeling the absence of something. The void…
But what if that’s the point?
What if our measure of success – our benchmark to know that we’ve finally healed – is when we can be truly full of ourselves and be OK with that?
Heck, we might just even find out that we’re happy.
Imagine that.
Let’s aim to be as full of ourselves as we can be
So I’d like to argue FOR being full of yourself.
“In the case of The World vs Being Full of Yourself, I take the defence”
~ Me
I say that this is what we should all be aiming for.
To be SO full of ourselves, so aligned with who we truly are, that we all express magnificent things into the world.
That everything we do makes the world a better place.
That no matter what anyone else says or does to us, with us, or around us, we remain implacable.
We are so strongly connected to all that we are, that we are as immovable as a mountain, and as beautifully individual as the stripes on a zebra 🦓.
Is that too much to ask for?
I hope not.
Because that’s a world I’d REALLY like to see.
A quick recap
- We’ve decided it’s terribly bad to be “full of yourself”
- But is it possible we’ve got that completely backwards?
- Maybe it means being fully aligned with who you are
- Maybe it means expressing your unique self in the world
- We may have learned that self-expression was dangerous
- Maybe that’s why we struggle to find our path
- I’ve had moments recently of true joy and alignment, and it made me see this idea differently
- Maybe being full of ourselves is where everything we’ve ever wanted lives
What next?
- Think back over the times where you’ve heard (or used) the expression “full of yourself”. What was the person doing that warranted that description? Was it all bad?
- Or was it just overwhelming, and confronting and unsettling? It’s definitely been that at times for me. “Stop being so much” is what I hear my brain thinking. Can you learn to see their actions differently?
- Have you learned to equate self-expression with danger? Does it feel unsafe to connect with your true self, and express that? Can you find ways to express yourself safely?
- Have you ever experienced moments of alignment and joy, or caught a passing glimpse of what it would feel like to be full of yourself? Can you find activities that create more of that?
- Can you start to weaken your distaste for the idea of “being full of yourself” and start to celebrate others who exhibit those tendencies? And maybe even borrow a little of their certainty for yourself?
I know that my perspective on being full of yourself has definitely shifted with practise, and I hope this helps you see it differently as well.
I’d love to hear about your experiences of this concept. Reply and share them if you’re game.
If you have past experiences of being harsh with others (or yourself) for being “too much”, I highly recommend ho’oponopono as an easy, yet super effective way to forgive yourself and everyone involved.
Find the peace you’ve been searching for.
And may you have a day where you are a little more full of yourself than usual.
Love,
Nicola
