How to feel safe in your body: 13 ways to regulate your nervous system

Feeling safe in your body is the foundation of all healing

I didn’t grow up feeling safe.

In fact, when my therapist asked me to find a feeling of safety as an anchor from my past, I couldn’t find one.

Not one.

But if we don’t feel safe in our own bodies, how can we even begin to heal?

Without a sense of safety, our body refuses to let go of things it learned to do to protect us.

Like hyper-vigilance, social anxiety and self-criticism.

But you also can’t just THINK your way into feeling safe.

You can’t just read more books, collect more techniques or force-feed yourself more information.

Safety is not a state of mind, it’s a state of being, a lived experience.

It’s not logical, or rational, or reasonable.

It’s created by sensations and conditions and patterns and practice.

It’s something that you FEEL, deep in your bones.

But if you don’t have any experiences of feeling safe, how can you even begin to create this for yourself?

This is something I’ve struggled with, and I wanted to share with you some of the strategies I’ve collected, from a variety of sources, that can help to create that feeling of safety, right here, right now.

The overall approach

Learning to feel safe in your body isn’t something that you can magically do in one fell swoop (as much as I’d like that).

It’s about gentle, gradual, repeated practices that teach your nervous system to feel safe in your body, in the current moment.

1. Shift your perspective

A lot of our anxiety comes from perceived threats, or from imagining possible unsafe events that could happen in the future.

And those thoughts can make it hard for us to feel safe in our bodies.

if we change the way we think, the things we imagine, what we focus on, we can change our body’s reactions.

I’ve found that a gratitude practice is an incredibly powerful way to shift my default thoughts about things.

You might also find it helpful to remind yourself that the issue here is not you, it’s your nervous system.

It’s just learned to react a certain way, and now you’re going to teach it something new.

2. Catch glimmers of safety

Throughout your day, you have moments where you feel safe in your body.

They might be small, they might be subtle, but the trick is to notice them.

Start paying attention to your body, and how it feels.

And when you have even the briefest moment of feeling calm, or safe or stable in your body, notice it, celebrate it, gently lean into it.

You might also want to journal about these moments – whether that’s writing a “glimmers of safety” list at the end of your day, or capturing these moments in a notebook as they happen – to constantly show your nervous system that everything is truly OK.

3. Orient yourself

Recognising that our current environment is safe can be very powerful.

By looking around you, noticing the things that are there, and how they create safety, you’re teaching your nervous system that right now, you are safe.

You might want to write a list of everything that’s helping you to feel safe, like:

• the roof over your head
• the chair you’re sitting on
• your warm clothes
• your desk
• a book
• a warm blanket

You can also wander around your house, introducing yourself to all of your stuff, remembering the stories attached to each item and appreciating how each thing contributes to your well-being.

You can also try the 5-4-3-2-1 technique – using all of your senses to simply notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste.

This exercise brings you into awareness of your surroundings and the present moment.

4. Tell yourself “I am safe”

You can also just repeat various affirmations to yourself to remind yourself that you are safe right now*.

Things like:

• I am safe enough
• In this moment, I am safe
• Right now, I am safe
• I feel safe in my body
• Right now, everything is OK

It seems simple, and easy to dismiss as a practice, but these constant reminders of safety can be very effective.

And don’t feel limited by my suggestions – just make up whatever words work best for you.

I find that starting with “Right now,” gives my system permission to accept whatever comes next, without having to believe that it will ALWAYS be true.

That’s a job for later!

5. Be gentle with yourself

A sense of safety can also come from simply being very gentle with yourself.

This might look like talking quietly, or moving slowly, in whatever you’re doing.

You might also want to try things like:

• Brushing your hair slowly
• Eating slowly
• Going for a slow, gentle walk
• Rocking back and forth slowly
• Typing slowly
• Talking slowly
• Humming quietly
• Rubbing your skin gently and slowly

All of these soft, slow movements send signals to your nervous system that everything is OK, and there’s no need for stress or anxiety or panic.

6. Reconnect with your body

Just reconnecting with your body can also help your nervous system to feel safe and calm.

Anything that looks or feels like self-care can be a great way to connect with your body, as can grounding exercises, and I have lists of ideas for both to get you started.

You can try things like:

• Slowly sipping a cup of tea or hot chocolate
• Think about your back, your left big toe or your thighs – any neutral part of your body
• Taking a warm shower or soaking in a warm bath
• Cuddling, hugging or fiddling with soft toys
• Hiding under a pile of soft, warm blankets
• Gently and slowly massaging yourself, wherever feels comfortable

Grab my self-care and grounding guides for even more ideas.

7. Spend time in nature

Nature is a powerful relaxant, and simply being outside, or going for a walk in nature can teach our nervous system to settle down.

Practicing mindful movement adds an extra layer to this activity, bringing your mind into the present moment, and helping you to feel calm.

Recently, I’ve been using my daily walks with my dog as a form of meditation, and instead of letting my mind wander, I focus on breathing into and out of my heart.

Any time my mind wanders off, I bring my focus back, and this has been making my walks much more enjoyable.

8. Stimulate your vagus nerve

Our nervous system has two main states – activated (fight or flight) and relaxed (rest and digest).

We need both to function in our daily lives, but many of us spend WAY too much time in the activated state.

And this can make it hard to switch off and feel safe.

The balance between these two states is managed by the vagus nerve, which runs from our head, through our chest and neck, and into the gut.

We can improve our polyvagal tone – our ability to return to calm – through things like singing, chanting, humming, box breathing, cold exposure and social connection.

9. Use gentle somatic healing techniques

There’s a variety of somatic techniques you can use for healing, but some of them are also gentle enough to help with creating a sense of safety.

Things like breathwork, EFT (meridian tapping), yoga, meditation and grounding exercises, can all help to keep you present in the current moment and feeling calm.

10. Develop and stick to routines

One of the things we struggle with when we don’t feel safe, is not knowing where the next threat is coming from.

So having routines and predictability in our daily lives can help to counter that.

Things like:

• Going to bed and getting up at the same time every day
• Eating meals at the same time each day
• Brushing teeth or having a shower every day
• Eating the same thing every day

can all help us to feel like we know what to expect, and allows our nervous system to relax.

If you’ve ever taken care of small children, you’ll appreciate how important routines are to help them know what to expect, and accept what’s happening, especially when it comes to bed time!

Not having to deal with a barrage of unknowns or uncertainty frees up energy for us to engage more effectively with the rest of our lives.

11. Connect with safe people

Connecting with others also helps to teach your nervous system that it’s safe.

Obviously, it needs to be the RIGHT people – the ones that make you feel safe, secure and calm.

And the more you spend time with them, the more your system learns to feel safe, and the more you’ll wind up feeling relaxed and secure.

12. Take action

Sometimes we need to DO something to be able to feel safe.

It’s not always about being slow, gentle or calm.

Although it would still be helpful to take action in a calm manner where possible.

Sometimes we need to resolve something, find something, share something or rearrange something, or just do something we’ve been avoiding to feel calm and safe.

13. Remove things from your environment

Some of those actions might involve getting rid of unhelpful influences.

Whether that’s:

• Reducing noise
• Ending toxic relationships
• Cleaning up a mess
• Changing up your environment
• Sorting out your finances

Getting rid of the things that are adding to your anxiety gives you more space to handle life, and more opportunities to feel calm and secure.

Tips

As you practice the above strategies to help you feel more safe in your body, it’s important to remember:

• This is not about avoiding triggers, but instead it’s about staying present even when you are triggered
• The aim is to feel safe within your body, regardless of what’s going on around you; to spend more time feeling resilient and at peace
• You do this by having repeated experiences that signal calm
• To maximise your chances of success, start very small, and do just what feels comfortable
• As you practice these strategies, build a list of the things that work for YOU
• And remind yourself that the more your system experiences moments of safety, the more it trusts it – this is a process that happens over time, NOT overnight

A quick recap

• Feeling safe in our bodies is essential for healing our dysfunctions
• Safety is not a state of mind, but a state of being, something we feel and experience
• To feel safe in our bodies, we have to give ourselves repeated experiences of calm, safety and security
• We’re teaching our nervous system to feel safe, right here, right now
• Ways to feel safe in your body
  1. Shift your perspective
  2. Catch glimmers of safety
  3. Orient yourself
  4. Tell yourself “I am safe”
  5. Be gentle with yourself
  6. Reconnect with your body
  7. Spend time in nature
  8. Stimulate your vagus nerve
  9. Use gentle somatic healing techniques
  10. Develop and stick to routines
  11. Connect with safe people
  12. Take action
  13. Remove things from your environment

Note: If you are currently in circumstances where you are experiencing abuse or life-threatening danger, please reach out to a professional for help. You can’t practice feeling safe if you are not genuinely safe.

What next?

So, how do you put all of this into practice?

• Start by remembering any experiences you have of feeling safe. It’s OK if you can’t find any
• Use your daily life to notice and experience moments of calm and security
• Be patient as you try out the above strategies, to find what works for you
• Remind yourself that you’re retraining your nervous system
• If something makes you feel less safe, stop doing it
• Gradually and slowly show your body that you ARE safe and that everything is OK

I hope you find these suggestions helpful as you work on feeling safe in your body.

I know from personal experience that it takes time and patience, but it’s also totally worth it to have those moments where you truly do feel safe.

Make sure to grab my grounding and self-care guides to help you as you teach your nervous system to feel safe.

May you have a glimmer (or three) of safety today.

Much love,

Nicola