Dealing with unpleasant feelings
What do most of us do when we have an uncomfortable emotion?
If you’re anything like me, you run away.
So you might distract yourself by eating something, or going to watch a TV show, or going to hang out with friends, playing a video game.
Or maybe you shut down and you shove those emotions down really hard.
You numb yourself out so you don’t feel anything at all and you become quite unresponsive to life in general.
Or maybe you turn that feeling outwards and instead attack the people around you, blaming them for what they’ve done that you attribute to the way you feel, or just blaming them for everything and anything.
Basically, we do anything and everything to make that uncomfortable feeling stop.
But that’s not the only way we can approach this.
And I have an alternative way that I handle these uncomfortable emotions that I’d love to share with you.
Uncomfortable emotions are a huge opportunity
But firstly, what I’d like to say is that these uncomfortable emotions are a really important clue, a massive opportunity for you to understand the things that hold you back or drag you down.
So don’t waste that opportunity.
See if you can sit with it, maybe loosen its grip on you a little bit, and at least understand better what’s going on inside you and why this emotion is so uncomfortable.
And maybe as you do that, you can move up the emotional scale a bit and experience some relief.
If you want to learn more about that process, here’s a link to that guide to the emotional scale for you.
My four step process for handling emotions
But with regards to the actual process that I’ve been using when I feel uncomfortable emotions, there’s four steps, and they allow me to turn down the intensity and give that uncomfortable emotion less control over my experience.
And this process can be scary because it’s the opposite of what you would normally do when you feel these uncomfortable emotions.
But if you give it a chance, you might also find that it can be really powerful for you in shifting your relationship with these uncomfortable emotions.
Step 1 – Notice it
So the first step in this process is to basically notice the feeling.
Whatever uncomfortable feeling you’re feeling, you notice it.
And if you can, you give it a name, a label of some kind.
It doesn’t have to be the right name for it.
It just has to be what makes sense to you.
Maybe you say, “I’m feeling really uncomfortable, I’m feeling really scared, I’m feeling anxious, I’m feeling guilty, I’m feeling ashamed.”
Whatever it is, just noticing it and giving it a name can help you to start managing that feeling.
Step 2 – Breathe into it
The second step is to breathe into that feeling.
So as you feel that feeling, wherever it is in your body or your awareness, you breathe in to it or through it, and then out again through that feeling.
So basically breathing in and out through that emotion as you’re feeling it.
And so you’re getting your breath going, which makes it easier for those uncomfortable feelings to start shifting and moving.
Step 3 – Allow it to expand
The third step can be the most challenging of the process, because it’s basically the opposite of how we normally respond to these uncomfortable feelings.
And that is to, in whatever way you can, allow that uncomfortable feeling to grow and expand, even just a little bit.
Obviously, it’s really important that you don’t let it get so out of control that it overwhelms you.
But we’re talking about the feeling, not the thoughts about the feelings you have, but the feeling itself.
Wherever that sensation is, as much as you can, safely, you allow it to expand and grow.
And by doing that, what you’re doing is accepting that emotion.
Instead of pushing it away and resisting it, by allowing it to grow even a little bit, you’re saying to your body,
“Actually, I’m okay. I can handle this emotion. This is okay. I’m doing all right. I can feel this. I can handle this.”
And that lack of resistance creates space for that emotion to change and shift.
Step 4 – See it as simply a vibration
And then the fourth and final step that I do is, I remind myself that this uncomfortable feeling is just a frequency, a vibration, a sensation that’s moving through me like a musical note or the sound of a truck rumbling past.
And that gives me two things.
Firstly, it’s a frequency or vibration, and I have lots of different emotions and frequencies and vibrations moving through me throughout my experience.
And this is just another one of those.
So it takes some of the power and the intensity away from the idea of this emotion.
And the second part is that it’s temporary, just like a truck rumbling past or a musical note, that frequency, that emotion will pass.
It’s not a permanent state of being.
How this helps you manage your emotional discomfort
I find once I’ve done these four steps, that generally the intensity of that uncomfortable feeling has turned down.
I’m putting it in a slightly better place and I’m able to handle it better.
It has less control over me and it’s less likely to hijack my entire experience.
And it really does shift my relationship with that uncomfortable feeling.
So give this technique a go.
Allow your uncomfortable feelings.
Do the steps.
Do it in such a way that it doesn’t overpower you.
Give yourself more control of your experience back.
And if you want more ways to regulate your emotions, I’ve got a guide with a bunch of different techniques linked for you down below.
And you might also find this article about understanding your emotions helpful as well.
May your emotions be easier to handle from now on. ❤️
