Working yourself into the ground again?
I have a bad habit of working myself into the ground.
I give whatever is on my “to do” pile everything I’ve got, and only stop when I break down.
And I’m not the only one doing this.
I’ve spoken to friends who are the same.
“I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” or “I’ll rest when I’m sick,” we say.
And while we might laugh that off, and just get on with our day, I think it’s very wrong.
And dangerous.
Overworking can indicate a deeper issue
Now, while I might only have my own experience to go on here, I think this pattern is a symptom of something deeper.
Of some unhealthy beliefs that keep driving us, like…
- It’s not safe to stop
- I have to keep proving my value
- I have to do things to be loved
- My value is in what I can do for others
- I can’t like myself until everything on my “to do” list is done
- If I don’t keeping working, I’ll be called lazy
- What if I don’t give it everything I’ve got, and something goes wrong. It’ll be my fault, because I didn’t do enough.
Now that’s a doozy!
I know that as a child, I learned not to stop, because then I’d be given something to do – usually something unpleasant.
So if I was doing something “useful”, I’d be left alone.
In a way, it was my way of taking back control.
“I might not get to rest, but as least I’m the one deciding what I do.”
The heart of our constant need to be busy
The point is, there are many reasons underlying this behaviour, and it’s probably different for each of us.
But at the heart of it lies anxiety, fear, and feeling unsafe and out of control.
And we’re hoping to earn our redemption through our efforts.
We’re hoping that one day, we’ll cross some imaginary line and everything will be OK.
The dangers of trying to work our way to “OK”
And while I’m sure that others enjoy the fruits of our labours, it’s never going to be enough.
We can never do enough, never sacrifice enough, never tick off enough things to address those underlying emotions.
The goal posts always keeps moving.
It’s like trying to fill a holey bucket by just pouring the water in faster.
It’s fruitless, never-ending, exhausting and ultimately all we end up with is wet feet 😂😆
We have to deal with what’s driving that behaviour.
We have to face up to the part of us that feels lacking or unsafe.
It’s certainly a lot easier just to tackle that next item on our list, because that’s safe, and heck, we might even get praise from someone for doing it.
But then we find ourselves back in the same place, pushing that same rock up the same hill, and wondering why we suddenly find ourselves sick as a dog (no shade on dogs, I’m rather fond of them).
How do we stop the cycle of overworking?
So, what do we do?
1. Stop
Ugh, I know. Every part of me is screaming “Nooooooo, I can’t stop.”
But until we take the time to look at what’s really going on, we’ll be trapped on this hamster wheel forever.
And it’s not easy, because we have a lifetime of habit to counter.
This is one I still struggle with, even though I know how important it is.
2. Really look at what’s driving us
Take a long, hard look at the need we’re trying to fill, by staying busy.
What does not stopping allow us to do or avoid?
How is ignoring our internal signals serving us?
What would happen if we stopped?
3. Change
Easier said than done, but if we can start to tease out our our motivations, sometimes that’s enough.
Sometimes, all it takes is a bit of awareness to start to weaken the hold of a bad habit.
Sometimes, it takes a little more.
But if we stay aware, practice listening to ourselves and making different choices, we can gradually shift this habit into something healthier.
4. Be healthier
Maybe we decide to give ourselves one day a week off – that’s what works for me right now.
Maybe we look at our “to do” list and decide to cancel half of those things, because they really don’t matter and they’re just extra weight to carry around.
Maybe we let some things slide, like having a perfectly clean house and a neat and tidy yard, and practise being OK with that.
Maybe we notice the first signs of illness and cut ourselves some slack right then and there.
Just think how much more enjoyable life will be when you don’t have to spend your down time recovering from an illness!
A quick recap
- We just keep working until we have nothing left to give
- This habit is not only wrong but dangerous
- We’re driven by underlying beliefs or unmet emotional needs
- But we can never do enough to feel safe, or in control or valuable
- It’s not sustainable. We have to face up to what’s really going on
- We need to stop, become aware, make changes and become healthier
What next?
- Is this a pattern that you struggle with? Do you only stop when you’re sick or completely exhausted?
- What beliefs are driving you to do this? Can you become more aware of what your body is trying to tell you?
- Can you see the trap you’re setting for yourself, and that you can never do enough?
- Can you give yourself permission to stop? Even if it’s just for a little bit?
- Can you lower your expectations or shorten your “to do” list?
- Can you begin practising healthier habits and reactions?
I really hope that you can, because we need you in the best possible health,
How else will you be able to shine your amazing light into the world?
And if part of the reason you struggle with this habit is an inability to say “No”, you might want to download my step-by-step guide to setting boundaries, so you can protect what matters most to you, and create a more balanced, fulfilling life.
May you have a day that is both productive AND restful.
Love,
Nicola
